A Patch of Annoyance

Bucket lists bother me and mine-hunting dolphins do little to amuse me, let alone persuade me of their military grit.  What really starts to grind my gears however is not the heritage trend as a whole pastiche of countryside-wear. But the silly exhibitionist pieces of corduroy, cotton, leather or suede that are nonchalantly sown onto the elbows and shoulders of every shirt and blazer sold in Oxford Circus – this really infuriates me.

Having a diverse wardrobe is arbitrary among men, but no man wishes for similarities to be drawn between his trunk and that of Homer Simpson (or any other character with anchored attire). This is precisely what will happen if you keep buying the patched garments.

I may lack sagacity in the field of fashion; one must only look at me to ascertain that I am certainly no Alex McQueen or Tom Ford. So I am certainly unable to deduce where this whimsical trend will end up.  However, I can see when a trend starts to get overused, take heed.

A blonde, curvaceous female of my age walked past me in the library yesterday. She moved with grace and confidence; had an air of sophistication which was only heightened by the copy of James Joyce’s Finnegan’s Wake she was carrying. “What a women” I thought to myself, until I saw her knees. Both of those dainty little things had been delicately covered-up with two circular leather patches; Unless she was a keen gardener, the patches meant they were for one purpose only…A fashion statement. (What, did you think I was insinuating something more erotic than plucking flowers?).

This is why the ‘patch craze’ needs to be met with the sharp and pointy end of the axe. Because if it’s not, more and more young women will be walking around with patches on their knees and if they get asked by a pesky male why they have patches on knees, I hope they come up with something better than “I tore them whilst on my knees”.

My physics teacher at secondary school Mr. Wilshire used to wear patches-galore. I suggest if you don’t know a thing about gardening or what the Higgs Boson is. Rip of those patches like the true renegades you pose as being.



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Filed under Fashion, Lifestyle, Rousseau Opinion

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