Dieting: Just Get On With It

My mother rang me this weekend to inform me of all the exhilarating things happening in her life, most prominently her new diet. “It’s happening this time Greg, I’m actually doing it, me and Virginia.” Despite being on a diet for the past nine years.

I’m quite sure that most people currently reading this have done one of the following things: been on a diet, think they need to go on a diet or have at some point thought of trying one. For all those who haven’t, I salute you.

The fact that most of us are now compulsively obsessed with our image has led to an absolute monsoon of new and more outlandish diets being implemented on the market and followed by those who are dumb and desperate enough to try them.

There are now an infinite different ways to accomplish weight loss: crash dieting, dehydration, liposuction (cheating), slimming pills, vomiting, body creams, starvation, its endless. One of my favourites is the ‘egg diet’, whereby you are required to eat no less than nine eggs per day, and for everyone nine, you only faint three times!

It’s not the constant array of diets being pummelled into my face I have a problem with, but the persistent daily triumphs and traumas those on diets cannot help indulge us on.

There are those, like my mum, who are seemingly on diets for years but barely scrape a pound off their hips, often enough to then turn around and start their perpetuating whining about why it’s not working as they glug the last calorie filled glass of wine and splurge out, ‘will start Monday.’

On the other hand there are the more successful dieters, the self-righteous smartarses. You will often find them gallivanting around like an ethereal bird, chin held high and boasting to you of how there life has been revolutionised by how much weight they’ve lost whilst emanating a lifeless feel of superiority.

The last group of dieters are those who are borderline underweight but still feel the need to lose all the hanging excess fat on their bodies that can only be seen by a NASA telescope. These are the equivalent of those consistent grade A* students you went to school with, who would panic when they got exam results that they were going to fail everything whilst you were shitting yourself starring down the barrel of your parents gun.

It’s really not hard to diet. Eat well, exercise, treat yourself now and again and don’t be moronic tool. Just keep it to yourself because I really don’t want to know.



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2 responses to “Dieting: Just Get On With It

  1. Hey there, You’ve done an incredible job. I’ll certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends.
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